Being G-Free: Part II

I am losing my battle with gluten.

Friday night I ordered pizza as a sort of farewell to gluten.  I knew it was a bad idea, but I did it anyway.  Bad idea indeed.  It was not a great start to the weekend as I spent the remainder of Friday night in pain and filled with regret. Truth be told, it was the best damn pizza I’ve ever eaten.  Was it worth it? I’m undecided. 

As a result of my impromptu gluten binge, I promised myself a fresh start to the week and headed to the grocery store yesterday as I typically do on Sunday mornings.  I found myself staring at a freezer full of “Glutino” products.  Who the hell wants to buy a loaf of bread that is frozen, not fresh and called Glutino?? Not me.  The bread looked super dense, was super small, cost twice as much as normal bread and had twice the calories, fat etc.  Result= no bread of any kind for me.  Gluten- 1: FGIALC-0.

I then proceeded to the organic, gluten-free, yeast-free, egg-free, taste-free section of the store to buy some snacks. If I can’t eat anything with wheat, I am going to need some snacks to help me through this…right? Wrong.  I could not bring myself to buy a bag of G-free pretzels for $8.99…wasn’t going to happen. How can you even justify a handful of pretzels for $8.99?!?! Gluten-2: FGIALC-0.

Round 3: family dinner at my fiancé’s aunt and uncle’s house. Dinner went well as there was no wheat around to tempt me.  I filled my plate with salad, broccoli, meatballs and brisket (a Jewish staple food) and was quite content…that is, until dessert was brought out.  Loblaws white-on-white cake.   My kryptonite. I don’t know anyone who would dare say no to this cheap, children’s birthday party, sugary, white-trashy cake.  It’s the best.  And of course, I had a piece.  Fast forward an hour later…I’m home, on the couch, with stomach cramps.  Gluten-3: FGIALC-0.

Lessons learned:  
1) I have no willpower
2) Gluten substitutes suck
3) I am not cut out for this no-wheat-nonsense

The battle continues…